Satoshi Sunday: Short Story - Hawt Date

It’s 2015, June and it’s a great time to be alive! I am Charles Kent the third. To my friends and colleagues, Charlie. A top tier technologist and currently employed at Coindesk as a Senior Helpdesk technology professional. Coindesk for those that may not be in the know, is the world’s largest and most successful BitCoin operations in North America. I walk proudly through the halls of the future center of commerce in the World not only as a technologist but also as a pilgrim to the future.

As to how I got this title and the responsibilities. When I was interviewed for this post I am sure it was my opinion to the hiring manager that society has five essential services in the following order: Military, Police, Fire Department, Ambulance and IT Help desk services. For some odd reason she laughed while I was being completely serious, and then asked what my expectations were for an hourly wage. I am sure that without me manning the phones the entire enterprise of Coinbase would go straight to hell in a hand basket quickly, which I remind anyone in earshot of regularly.

I am literally the backbone of the help desk operations, without me the entire place would fall apart. For I am an artist with technology that is always recognized and admired by my peers for the quality of my skills for any problem that might call in to the service desk. Because I, personally, represent the highest level of service.

I am sure that most of my superior gifts come from holding onto the philosophy of early adoption of technology, my vegetarian lifestyle choices and my associates degree in the arts. It is that education that has given me the ability to dress and talk for success. Coinbase is lucky to have me. Which I remind everyone regularly in addition to my veteran status as a Technology Professional. I’ve been here at least five months, in terms of technology service desks that’s veteran status in any one of the ten help desk jobs I’ve held in the past three years.

---

The background noise of phones, talking and key boards filled the office as Charlie entered the operations area at work and briskly walked to the break room to stash his lunch while lost in his inner monologue. In the phone pit a head of red and grey hair quickly prairie dogged up to catch a glimpse of Charlie floating by.

“bob!...Bob...Bobby....bawb!!” in a shouting whispher. from behind the cube wall.

“What Shamus?” replied Bob.

“Charrrrlieeee’s heeerrreeeeee.” Shamus paused pursing his lips, “Ever wonder where the hell someone finds bowties and brown cords? I know for sure Charlie knows.”

“I dunno and don’t care...and please don’t ask him or he won’t shut up for an hour. Just leave it alone.”, Bob’s tiredly pleaded.

Quickly looking back over the cube. “Damn straight I’m going to ask him...” Shamus giggled.

“Don’t be an ass. Please. We all suffer enough with him.”. Bob pointed up to pause and looked away to eyeball his caller ID. “Sec. One of the pool operators gotta take this. Thank you for calling Coinbase, this is Mr Healey speaking how may I help you...” Bob then disappeared into his cube followed by a staccato of keystrokes and verbal confirmations.

“...well you’re no fun.” Shamus’s phone chirped and his screen lit up like a christmas tree of red and green lights, “goddamn it...router has shit the bed again across the pond.” With that terminal sessions were spawned and Shamus was left to the task of breathing life back into a segment of the network to keep things moving thousands of miles away.

“Good day gentlemen!” Charlie casually announced “I am here.”

A couple of quick waves and grunts over his coworkers shoulders was his response.

---

Indeed I am the master of my domain here on the Service Desk. It’s good they don’t fawn on me too much.

Now I should get to my task of improving the level of customer service here. Look out world of service desk!! Because I, Charles Kent the Third, has logged in to the internet and is opening a service ticket. Now what does the world have in store for me today in the ticket que...

---

Shamus rolled his eyes and sent Bob an email.

-Quick question? Does he know he talks out loud in third person and have you been fawning over him again Bob?-

Bob replied.

-Go fuck yourself. Do. Not. Say. A. Damn. Thing.-

Shamus laughed and quickly deleted the thread of emails.

---

...Hmmm, I wonder what Shamus is laughing at, I suppose I’ll ask him later. Before I get too wrapped up in work I should check facebook. Ha! Cat jumping in the box, you never get old. Oh this one is important, I need to forward it on to ten friends to like and wish them a great day. Done. Hey, I’ve got a reply from the facebook dating app. I shouldn’t be too surprised though, I obviously know what a catch I am. Why is Shamus laughing again? Probably something a customer is telling him. Anycase...Hello there LindiOnTop! I’ll just send back a quick note to her.

-Hello Lindi, I am glad to meet your acquaintance. I would hope you would friend me from your facebook profile so I can ‘see’ you in person. I am sure you like what you see otherwise.-

And sent! Goodness Shamus seems to be in a good mood this morning. The Irish are a happy people and he’s always in good humor. That reminds me I should send him a joke I received in one of my mailing lists.

---

Shamus quickly belted out an email to send to Bob.

-Hey Bob, do you like what Charlie’s cookin there with side of ham? Better yet. Now I wanna know what this chick looks like.-

Bob

-Please go away. Don’t ask him, it’s bad enough we have to listen to his internal monologue all day. If you go asking him that Sylvain will be by then we’ll all catch hell for listening to the human fan run his mouth.-

Shamus

-Whatever man. You already know we’re going to have to listen to it anyways. If he gets a ping back from this chick I bet you 2 million satoshi that it’s an insane cross eyed dwarf with no teeth with a peg leg and syphilis.-

Bob

-Okay, you’re on. But 2.5 million satoshi that she’s got a medicine cabinet full of anti-psychotic happy pills. She ranked at least three cat crazy. I’ll also throw in she’s a half tonner and needs a forklift assist. Half million satoshi each one we nail.-

Shamus

-Done. But I want to add a glass eye in my list.-

Bob

-No fair, I’m adding hair lip and Done.-

Shamus

-Agreed and done.

---

40 password resets, 17 wallet issues, 20 technical explanations for the traders all before lunch. I am so awesome. Just quickly check facebook. Oh! Well well well. LindiOnTop has sent Charlie a friend request. Friend her...there and now to see who I’m talking to. Oh my.

She’s stunning. She looks like a skinnier and younger Viola Davis. Hmmmm, says 5’10. Tall. Good, probably has nice legs. Entrepreneur and Business developer. Enjoys reading, movies, dancing, pina colada’s and walks in the rain...I wonder what Bob and Shamus are laughing at. She’s single, good. No kids and no pets, great. She certainly knows how to do up her make up.

---

Bob

-Okay. Ask him.-

Shamus

-No, you ask him.-

Bob

-Let’s wait.-

Shamus

-kk-

---

Best strike while the iron is hot Charlie. No dawdling.

-Dear LindiOnTop, you are gorgeous. How long have you been a business developer, I do a little business myself. ha ha ha I would like to see if you’d like to go for a couple of drinks and do some business planning with me. Say tonight?-

What are those two giggling about. Oh well, I better get my lunch before the hour is up.

---

The giggling dropped off and two heads quickly poked over the cubicle walls to watch Charlie strut at full speed to the break room to fetch his lunch. Both men quickly sat down, with a serious face Shamus turned to Bob, “I’ve got to know what she looks like now man!”

“I know right. Okay, we have to at least wait for her to reply and take his offer.” Bob tapped his finger on his lip, “then we ask him or we’ll jinx it.”

“Done.” agreed Shamus

“Done.” echoed Bob

“What are you two doing” Sylvain sing songed as he walked into the cube farm entrance with his hands on his hips. “Doesn’t sound like work and we’ve got tickets coming out of our ears. Common ladies, your tea party is over.”

“Charlie’s got a lady on the hook” Shamus sputtered.

“No! Unpossible!” the shock on Sylvain’s face turned to look at Bob, “Lies.”

“It’s true” Bob’s stone face confirming what Shamus had told Sylvain.

“Shut. UP! Tell me everything. What’s this ho look like?”, Sylvain’s hands shifted back to his hips.

Shamus raised a finger with a serious expression, “We’re waiting for a ‘confirmation’ just in case he’s talking to a hooker bot or something”

“Okay, if anything happens you bitches send me something.” to which Bob and Shamus both nodded while Sylvain disappeared back to his office. Both were about to chat on Charlie's new friend but quickly shut up and made themselves look busy as they heard Charlie coming back with his lunch

---

Oh Quinoa salad, how can you be so delicious and nutritious? Mmmmm, that’s good. Compliments to the chef. Me. Good job me. Better check facebook. Wow. That was fast. Looks like I’ve got a date tonight. Best ask the guys on how to best approach...

---

Charlie turned around and both Shamus and Bob were already eagerly facing him.

“How’s it going Charlie?” Shamus asked casually, “Your salad certainly looks delicious with all of it’s fibre and whatnot.” Bob nodded in agreement then both men leaned in.

“Well gentlemen, my salad is delicious and I made it myself. It’s made from Quinoa, I read about it on the internet somewhere a couple of years ago. Typically it’s native to South America and..” for the next five minutes Shamus and Bob learned more about Quinoa than any person would ever care to know.

Shamus looked on the verge of losing consciousness when Bob had to interrupt, “Look, that’s fascinating Charlie. What else is going on?”

“Oh. I have a date.”, Charlie declared proudly.

“Go on.”, Bob interjected “Where’d you meet her?”

“Just this morning with the facebook dating app. She is stunning.” Charlie turned around and pulled up the facebook profile and shuffled out of the way of the screen. “See?”

‘Holy shit’ both men gawked. “She’s like a model or something...” Shamus whispered to Bob. None of the men staring at the screen heard their manager ghost into the cube.

“What are you boys up to?” Sylvain sing songed, “Oh Charlie, you already know there’s no facebook at work...Oh! Who’s that?”

“My hopeful date tonight.” Charlie meakly replied.

“She’s beautiful. It’s okay about the facebook thing, it’ll be our secret. You finish up your lunch and you two,” Charlie looked relieved as he turned to Shamus and Bob silently mouthing ‘O.M.G.’ , “...you two I want to see in my office about, ummm, metrics from last week.” Bob and Shamus passively nodded and plodded off with Sylvain to his office.

“I know ‘her’.” Sylvain said point blank while pulling quotes.

“No!” Bob and Shamus said in chorus.

“His name is Gary, I’ve seen him around the clubs. That bitch is extremely passable.” Sylvain stated in a matter of fact tone. Then all three men pissed themselves laughing.

Bob managed to catch his breath while trying to work out a stitch in his sides, “By the way Shamus you owe me 500,000 satoshi,” between giggles and tears he managed to get out, “...that ‘lady’ can grow a hairlip anytime”

“Damn it!...fuck you Bob. But firstly...” Shamus red faced stuck the tip of his tongue out and fiddled with his cellphone and sent Bob the 500,000 satoshi, “...We don’t tell him. For the love of all that is Holy...please give this to me. I’ll even give him a pep talk with the ‘good lucks’ and ‘giver the block chain’ routine. Please. Bob you have to promise to keep your shit together while I’m talking nonsense. I’m talking stone face. Please.” Then all three men laughed themselves to tears for a while longer to get it out of their system.

---

Well they seem to be having a good time in Sylvain’s office. Must be good news on their metrics. Looks like LindiOnTop is online for a chat, I should check in with her and work out the details.

*Hi Lindi. Can’t wait to meet you tonight. There’s a nice place over on Maple Street that has in house brewed beer called the Fox’s Sakes Pub, I can meet you there at 7. Can I ask why you sent me a hello, just curious.*

*Hey good looking, I’m sure you are curious! I know the place and if you really want to know. It was your sparkling eyes, handle bar mustache and the bow tie.*

*I knew it! Bow ties are coming back.*

*Oh you. See you tonight handsome.*

That all happened so fast, I can’t wait!

---

A red faced Shamus and Bob collected themselves with streaks of fresh tears on their cheeks and headed back to their desk closing the door behind their laughing manager. As they approached the cubicle they sputtered their laughter and shushed each other while Charlie was monologuing to his computer.

“Charlie! How’s it hangin’ man? You excited for tonight?” Shamus walked by and clapped Charlie on the shoulder, ”You look like you could use a pep talk for tonight.”

“While I am positive I will have a great time, a little advice from a dating veteran like yourself would be very much appreciated.” Charlie answered while clearing up his desk

“Okay, for the first bit. You make sure you bring some protection.” Shamus, Charlie nodded, “Next keep it classy, she looks like a classy lady. Make sure you are drinking classy drinks.”

“Classy drinks?” Charlie’s eyebrow raised.

“Yeah, a classy drink makes a HUGE impression. I suggest a Tokyo Iced Tea, it’s delicious and is a really cool drink with the club ladies. Goes down smooth and fruity.” while Shamus was talking Charlie was taking notes on his phone and mouthing every vowel that fell out of Shamus’s mouth, “Get one for her as well and then she’ll feel way more comfortable with you with the both of you sitting there with a nice big fruity drink together. It’s very romantic.”

Coffee shot out Bob’s nose and Shamus shot him the look of death as Charlie fished a kleenex from the box for Bob to clean up the coffee dribbling out his nose. “Are you okay?”, Charlie asked.

“Wr-wrong pipe.” Bob cleared his throat, made a giggling whimpering sound while a tear rolled down his cheek, “Sorry go on...mmmm...excuse me for a second.” and hopped up to disappear into Sylvains office.

“I hope Bob is okay” Charlie looked worried.

“Nevermind him. Where were we? Okay Classy, drink classy lady. Do you have anything in a bow tie that’s colorful? Nice bright colors is a great way to keep her focused on you. Better yet, you got a rainbow bow tie?” Shamus’s face betrayed nothing.

“No, but I could get one on the way home.” Charlie snapped his fingers as if he discovered the secret to making lead into gold, then promptly took more notes. “Rainbow?”

“Oh yeah man, chicks eat that shit up like meat and gravy. You get a rainbow tie on under the right conditions you are definitely going to get a piece of action. Here you should take a note on that as well.” Shamus pointed to Charlie’s cell phone to which Charlie’s thumbs tapped in all this sage advice Shamus was just giving away. “I’ll leave it there for now and remember to keep it casual.”

“Definitely.” Charlie agreed while Bob slid back into his cube fully composed, “How are you doing Bob?”

“Great, couldn’t be better. All settled now.” Shamus rolled his eyes and Bob nearly lost it again, “...yeah, back to work.”

---

The rest of my afternoon was business as usual and passed quickly after lunch. I must have saved this company two dozen times today at least. Occasionally Shamus and Bob were laughing at something in their email. I should note we’ve got customers with great senses of humor and people working here that are complimentary to that. I have made a note to myself to stop and pick up a rainbow bow tie and I am looking forward to my hot date tonight.

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Writing a 50000 word speculative fiction/fiction novel using the novel in a month technique.  BitCoin is going to be the topic.